Why I'm Hate-Watching the Election

I’ve been without a TV for a little over 2 years—the one I inherited from my piano teacher finally gave up the ghost, and because I’m lazy (and cheap!) I never bothered buying another. Why bother with TV when there’s the internet? I can watch pretty much what I want, get rid of pesky things like commercials and pop-ups, and be free of the (insert German word for “shit-show” here) that’s the upcoming election.

Then I realized that I couldn’t totally ignore the election—after all, it promises to be the election of a lifetime! You have a Human Troll Doll in one corner, a Hill-bot in another, and of course, a Hunka Hunka of Bernie Love in the other. (Thankfully, the 4th corner’s empty due to the authorities finally catching the Zodiac Killer.)

There’s a part of me that understands why there’s so much voter apathy—I mean, just look at your presidential candidates! It’s like watching your local politicians, but on a national (or world) stage. THESE are the people you’ll be voting (or not voting) for in 165 days.

At first, I was exhausted at the thought of FIVE MORE MONTHS of this. Then I thought, why not have fun with it? Why not just sit back and (as neutrally as possible) watch both (all?) sides slug it out?

SEE! Trump trumping Clinton with tired comments like “It’s not a good week for her.” (Yeah, ‘cause you’ve never had any scandalous business dealings...)